


Shivers

by eccentrics (orphan_account)



Category: Persona 4
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Ho Yay, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-19
Updated: 2011-03-19
Packaged: 2017-10-17 02:52:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/172140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/eccentrics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Souji does have the chance to save Saki, he ruins everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shivers

The fascinating thing about Saki is that she asks for him to kill her. Her shadow laughs at her, taunts her about how pathetic she is, that she's running away from her problems the _easiest_ way. It taunts her more and more, Souji can't bring himself to stop it, he's extremely interested by it; the way it presented things that were so different from what Yosuke told him about her. Yosuke would say that she's hard working, admirable, always nice and she never gave up and here the shadow was spouting the exact opposite.

Souji has to remind himself that Saki is relentless, that she does do everything _exactly_ and to every extent that she could--even death, even when she was giving up.

"Saki--"

And Saki turns around to face him, the _real_ one. She hasn't let the tears fall out of her eyes, she's just staring at him, not even asking for help. She's desperate, alone, _exhausted_ because Souji came at the last possible minute. The shadow keeps asking questions, possibly pestering Souji now, as if it knew how much he wanted to listen to it, to leave her to die.

"Of course you want to die, it's only _natural_ that you want to run away from the problems everyone keeps _shoving in your face_. Especially with that Junes boy, following you _every where_ , reminding you problems every living second. You hate him don't you."

And when she says those dreaded words, Souji gets the feeling that maybe he should run now, leave her to die but he can't. He can't do things for his own selfish gain, this is his chance to make things right.

So he saves her.

 **- &-**

When Yosuke hears about Souji saving Saki and the whole ordeal, he seems pleased, grateful and for a second he thinks that maybe he's doing everything right.

Then Saki had to say something, had to take his hand for one second, call him a hero. She had to be so much more interested in the _transfer student_ rather than Yosuke, Souji glances at him from the side, watches Yosuke's ego deflate. His voice got slightly lower, he wasn't even _looking_ at Souji. He just laughs once and says he's going to go home.

"Yosuke."

He turns, Saki is already gone, that's a good thing. "Yeah Souji?"

Souji gulps, he misses _partner_ , it's strange that he misses such a weird and strange greeting. He shouldn't miss something like that, it's dumb and insignificant; but Yosuke just happens to be his best friend and he just happens to be selfish. He was able to choose who he got close to, he _knew_ the quirks of Yosuke, he knew how great of a person he was.

Did he know Saki? No, not at all. Did Saki know him? Then again, did Yosuke know him at this point either?

He sighs, because it was kind of odd that he was sad just because he didn't have control over his own destiny, right? "Come on, I'll take you home."

Yosuke cocks a brow, "Yeah...uh sure, that's kind of weird though. I'm not a girl or anything."

Souji smiles a little bit at that, "I'm just paranoid with the case and everything."

"But isn't everything done and over with?" Yosuke tilts his head just a little and Souji pauses, then gets an idea.

"You wanna go into the TV with me?"

Everything seems to be looking up for just that second.

When Yosuke doesn't get the persona he's supposed to get, Souji doesn't know what to think. Maybe he'll get it in Yukiko's dungeon, maybe when they come back later and the item will be there, just right before Chie.

But then Yukiko isn't the one on the TV, it's _Yosuke_.

And now Souji knows that Saki is meant to die.

Yosuke meets him exactly where Souji says, on the floodplain, just so they could talk. "I think I should sleep over at your house, you _were_ on the TV."

Yosuke rolls hie eyes, "Nah. I'll be okay, I haven't gotten kidnapped yet, right? Besides, I _know_ what's going on, I have an advantage, right?"

"Yosuke I just--"

"Oh, all that hero stuff Saki-senpai said earlier is going to your head right?" Souji doesn't know what to say when he says that, just shakes his head and Yosuke gets more in his face. "You feel like you have to protect me too, prove something right?"

"I'm just thinking for you." Souji states, still keeping his cool, even if he does want to lose it just about now. Even he does want to tell Yosuke that he cares about him more than he knows, that Yosuke is always going to be his best friend.

Yosuke turns then, "Yeah. Well, you think for everyone, don't you? You care about everyone, right? How am I any more special?"

Souji just lets him go, because the painful thing is that Yosuke happens to be right. By this point, he's become a machine, always trying to fix Inaba, make it better at all costs. There's no way he can prove that Yosuke is any more special than anyone else.

Even though he probably is.

 **- &-**

 ****Saki takes charge of the group, Souji is still the official leader, but she seems to be some sort of peace maker. She never flaunts herself or says things too much, she takes charge in her own way, always focused and obviously older. That gives the team more confidence and with that, Souji is grateful.

What bothers him is the way she would make a comment about Yosuke and how Chie would just _agree_ with her. Every thing is off sync, without Chie and Yosuke bickering at each other, with Yukiko not coming into the picture much later--if at _all_. It bothers Souji, the way Chie and Saki bond, but not even as tightly as Yosuke and her did; not thta she knew that. It bothers him that Saki would say things like: "Oh Hana-chan is kind of immature, right?" And Chie would make some comment, _still_ agreeing with her.

It wasn't that Saki meant it badly, he knew that much, she's just used to looking after him; pointing out his flaws.

Saki doesn't fight nearly as good as Yosuke either, he can't get through the dungeon as fast as he wants to. Yosuke taunts them too much, sometimes leaves them unattended because they were taking too long and he was _bored_. He makes more jabs at Souji, but Souji just takes it all and hand waves the comments of worry Saki is making now.

They _will_ free Yosuke.

 **- &-**

 ****A shiver goes through the town, Souji feels a chill again, Saki is resting her head in his shoulder, she's not crying as much as Chie or Yukiko but he knows that she feels sadder.

It's colder than usual, Yosuke would hate that, Souji looks to Saki and looks around the crowd. Classmates, everywhere, people not sure what to feel about Yosuke because nobody is quite sure what he's like anymore.

Souji wants to laugh, he does, truly because nobody knew Yosuke like he did even if nobody knew it.

 _No matter how many times Souji tried, he couldn't fight Yosuke's shadow. He couldn't let go of the guilt, which is unusual for Souji, someone who is so unable to feel anything at all at times, to differentiate himself from battle and other wise. He couldn't tell Yosuke's shadow from Yosuke's real self._

 _"You don't care about me do you Souji? You care for everyone but truly you don't care about me. And you! Senpai doesn't even pay attention to me, nobody does. It's boring here and here some new transfer kid, practically the same back round as me, stealing everything away from me. Why? Why? Can somebody answer me that?"_

 _But nobody can say anything and Saki tries to comfort him, call his name, Chie tries to get him to come to his senses and Souji just stares blankly. "You going to fight me Souji? Try to get the 'real' Yosuke back? This is the real me!"_

 _Yosuke's scream is horrible, it drives Souji insane, for a split second. Yosuke screams at the shadow that it's not what he thinks, even though Souji knows all of it is, because they follow his own guilty thoughts._

 _When Yosuke dies, he bets that Yosuke wonders why he saved Saki and he couldn't even save his supposed best friend._

Souji begins to let out a bitter laugh, right before he has to go look at Yosuke's dead body, it doesn't fit Yosuke. It's too cold, he can't stop shivering, he can't stop shaking, and he knows Yosuke doesn't want to see him like this. But it's Souji's turn, it's Souji's turn to say good bye.

All he can is stare at Yosuke's body, cold and empty, nothing like Yosuke, nothing like Yosuke, he should have known the shadow was nothing like Yosuke.

"...I'm going to miss you, partner."

\--

When Souji wakes up and the whole world hasn't reset yet, he cries and continues to shiver under the covers as if there should be somebody there to keep him warm.


End file.
